Myself
4:22 p.m. on April 01, 2002
Rebecca is
I just want to be normal. Not a conformist, but normal. I don't want to have things to do anymore, I want to be able to just hang out with my friends and my boyfriend for more than half an hour at a time and not be thought of as a slut or a pothead. People just need to leave my life out of their control, not try to get all involved. Especially the people who I don't want to be part of my life anymore, those I just want to leave behind and not see again, ever. And then there's me questioning my decesions and my habits and my choices. Would I be a happier person if I didn't do the things that I enjoy? I just want everything to end, is that okay? I want to be in things, though. I want to have a part and a place in things. I want to be more involved in everything, and I have to figure out a way to do this. But also, I want everything to go slower then it is, because things are happening too fast for me right now. I feel like I've taken something, done some coke or something, but I obviously haven't. There's no way I could have at all, otherwise I would be skeptical that even I would know what I have done. I just want to sit in a corner, huddled into myself and never come out, never do anything again. I want people to be with me. I am scared of being by myself, because I know that if I am by myself for too long I will break down and do something I don't want to or start saying things I don't want to, or start crying, and I can't handle that right now. Oh man. I am starting to realize myself, and it's terrifying.
comments/post Top 100 Dland Diaries Layout? All Me!
4:22 p.m. on April 01, 2002
Rebecca is
I just want to be normal. Not a conformist, but normal. I don't want to have things to do anymore, I want to be able to just hang out with my friends and my boyfriend for more than half an hour at a time and not be thought of as a slut or a pothead. People just need to leave my life out of their control, not try to get all involved. Especially the people who I don't want to be part of my life anymore, those I just want to leave behind and not see again, ever. And then there's me questioning my decesions and my habits and my choices. Would I be a happier person if I didn't do the things that I enjoy? I just want everything to end, is that okay? I want to be in things, though. I want to have a part and a place in things. I want to be more involved in everything, and I have to figure out a way to do this. But also, I want everything to go slower then it is, because things are happening too fast for me right now. I feel like I've taken something, done some coke or something, but I obviously haven't. There's no way I could have at all, otherwise I would be skeptical that even I would know what I have done. I just want to sit in a corner, huddled into myself and never come out, never do anything again. I want people to be with me. I am scared of being by myself, because I know that if I am by myself for too long I will break down and do something I don't want to or start saying things I don't want to, or start crying, and I can't handle that right now. Oh man. I am starting to realize myself, and it's terrifying.
comments/post Top 100 Dland Diaries Layout? All Me!